Writer: Marcy Cruz | “Pretty, sexy, gorgeous have been terms used to express me. As much as I respect the compliments, I am deeper than an image.” ~ Kayla Diebold
I came across an article recently that resonated with me so deeply. It’s ironic as it’s an article penned by a woman who is thin and on the surface, considered beautiful. This…
“I realized early in life that being pretty is generally more of a burden than a benefit. When meeting people, they grow interested in me because I appeal to their eyes. Being pretty becomes a disturbance, blocking out the ability of others getting to appreciate me for my inner radiance.”
… really hit home for me. Who knew I, a fat woman, would identify and sympathize with her plight? Yes, I am fat but as a fat woman, I deal with men who find my fat attractive, many times to the point where it’s a fetish. It’s their focus; they see my lumps, rolls, curves and large outlines and they love that image.
I’ve often told how lucky I am that I’m fat and have a pretty face. I am told that is rare and hard to find. They say this as if it’s a compliment that I should revel in but it’s offensive and just seriously effed up to say.
As a blogger, I am more visible to the public so on a daily basis, I receive messages from men telling me how much they love my fat body or how they are in love with me. I have even received marriage proposals.
Sounds nice, huh? Well, it’s really not.
These men are looking at my outer appearance; my shell. I am more than someone’s fetish and sexual preference. I am a person with so much depth and gifts to offer the world. I am more than a pretty face and fat body. I am someone who has a kind heart, smart, a funny and engaging personality and have even been told I have a presence about me.
Most of the time, honestly, I am disgusted at how much I am sexually objectified by these men, even though I don’t know them in real life. I delete comments on social media from these men, sending me hearts, kisses, telling me they love me and want to worship my fat body. One guy even told me he needed a super-fat beautiful American woman like me in his life.
Sir, I am not here to be your fetish or someone to drool over and become sexually excited by. I am here to live out my purpose in inspiring others to live their best lives.
I cringe when I hear the term BBW (Big Beautiful Woman) because for me, that holds a negative connotation. When some men use the term BBW online, it is done in a way where fat women are fetishized and regarded for their bodies in another way to sexually objectify them.
Case in point, most of the time I see memes that state how BBWs or fat women are beautiful, it’s always paired with an image of a fat woman or group of women in skimpy swimsuits or scantily clad in little to no clothing. Why is our beauty and value only seen in our bodies?
I don’t want to be worshipped for my fat body; I want to be loved for who I am as a person. My body is beautiful but that’s not where my beauty stops.
Even dating is a challenge because most of the men I have dated are proud to say they love “big girls” and will make comments like “I just want to squeeze your belly” and “I like my girls over 300 pounds so you may need to gain a little weight just to make sure you stay that way.”
While I think it’s great that men are not afraid to say they have love for the big girls, I would love it if a guy told me he thought I was funny or smart or that he actually loved my company and how we can talk for hours. I’m not just a fat body with a pretty face — I am the whole package.
Now that’s rare to find but we’re out there.
I’ve even gone so far as to screen my followers on social media, Instagram in particular. IG is a visual channel so I want followers who are not just looking at my images for sexual reasons. I want followers who will be inspired by what I am wearing and the message I am pushing.
IG is a way for me to give you a peek into my life and get to know me and my journey. It’s a way to share what I love in fashion, travel and life. It is NOT a way for you to “admire” my body and send me pictures of your penis in a direct message.
Just because I am fat does not mean I am easy or desperate for attention and the male gaze. Pictures of your penis will not suddenly have me throwing myself at you.
Thus, not only am I disgusted by the crude male attention I get online but I’m disgusted at the fact that I have to deal with this when I just want to inspire WOMEN through my work. I’m not putting myself out there to be on display for a man’s pleasure. I’m trying to fulfill my purpose.
However, while these men won’t go away, I can take a stand and not let it deter me from continuing what I have set out to do.
I will keep screaming to the world any chance I get, that I am not just a pretty face and fat body. I am ME.
As Kayla Diebold said in her article, I Am So Much More Than Just A Pretty Face:
“If you fixate on my image, not penetrating beyond my exterior, you miss my value. The beauty is in the message of my soul.”
I know there are good men out there and I applaud them. I also hope that through their presence, they will set the example for other men to see that women, fat or thin, are more than their bodies. They hold value and are beautiful on the inside, too.
We are here not to serve you but to serve ourselves and our purpose, as well as living our best lives.
Check out my blog for more of my journey to pushing the message of realistic beauty ideals and showing I am not just a pretty fat girl: www.fearlesslyjustme.net